Harteloos

Paper Kittens

2010-03-07T15:39:00.002+08:00

I never realized how much I have missed hanging out with friends.

Early morning talks in the middle of a park with only the mating calls of cats as our background. Hahaha.

I need this time. I may be over thinking things but I prefer they fade as fast as they set in.

It's taking a toll on me.

Seclusion

2008-04-24T00:00:00.001+08:00

Grabbed this from a friend. I can actually relate right now.

Affirmation

lonely isn't just wanting to be with someone just because you're alone and have nothing to do.
lonely is when you want so much to be with someone, that it actually hurts when you can't be with him/her. it's like there is a void inside of you that can only be filled by that one person but you can't be with that person, so the void just sucks you in.
It doesn't matter if your busy with work, playing or just lying in bed sometimes it'll just hurt, and you can't do anything about it so you just continue with what your doing pretending you don't feel the pain. after a while, you start to feel nothing because you got used to the pain. you are numb to the pain, but you also end up being numb to everything else.
you feel useless, insignificant and weak because you can't do anything.
i guess when you think about it, we all just need affirmation. we just want to hear that we are not useless, not insignificant and not weak. we just want to hear that we are their world and that they want to be our world too.

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow
This time we'll take it slow
This time we'll take it slow

Birthdays

2007-11-27T08:19:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: March 1

You don't just believe in love at first site - you've experienced it.
You develop crushes pretty easily, but keeping your interest is another matter!
You are very prone to love - hate relationships.

Number of True Loves You'll Have: 2

Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 4

You are most compatible with people born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, and 28th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

Eternity

2007-09-15T16:24:00.000+08:00

The song suddenly played and I was shocked at how I could really relate to it especially in my current circumstance.

A New Tattoo by Urban Dub

Great moments they pass by
If youre careless
Desperately trying to speak the words
Ive been wanting to say for a long time.
Tongue tied, every time I try to talk to you
In time, Ill find the right line.

Caught a glimpse of you
I tremble every time you walk by
Hopelessly trying to find a way
To be near you, to get near you.
In my mind, plays thoughts of you all the
time
Ill find the right line

Ill bleed for you
Like a new tattoo in my heart
Youll stay permanent

Am I too late now?
Will I find a way to get to you somehow?
Shes breaking me down again
Shes breaking me down

I have no idea how to approach this girl I like. I'm always awestruck and dumbfounded whenever I see her along the halls or online. I always want to talk to her yet I'm always at a loss of words. This is one girl I don't want to risk. If being more than friends means an awkward relationship in case it goes sour, then I'll wholeheartedly choose being just a friend so that time to time I could get a glimpse of her smiling at me and not an unfriendly face looking me. This is one girl I can't bear to lose. This is one girl I want to be forever with.

Air Castles

2007-09-02T08:41:00.000+08:00

Last night we were together and I held your hand.
We seemed to talk forever with you by my side.
I felt utter joy and happiness... completeness in a way.
I wonder, will this be always just a dream?

I dreamt of her last night. It was euphoric. I took her hand and led her to a couch to seat beside. All that time she didn't even budge as if there was something unnatural with what I did. She acted as if it was the norm.

I really wish it would be... I really wish one day it would. I don't care when that'll be I will wait as long as it takes. For me, she's worth any length of time and any amount of pain, she makes me happy, she keeps me sane, she keeps me grounded, she keeps me on my toes, she keeps me thinking and wondering everyday. I could go on and on to what she makes me feel and do so I'll just say that she makes me feel alive. Yeah, I think that would sum it up quite nicely.

Mush

2007-08-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

Distant

her eyes speaks volumes, they pierce through all logic.
one cannot simply quantify her, she.. she's everlasting
time cannot bind her beauty and will never diminish her appeal
she's a goddess, one so near yet so far away
mortal men clamor to be in her presence
but never gets too near for they are afraid
afraid that they might taint her and quell her beauty
so I look and watch from afar
hoping that one day this goddess will come to me

Dedicated to Leah Dizon.

Oh cmon how can one not simply fall for those eyes.

*Leah Dizon fan mode on*

Overlapping Realms

2007-08-18T23:12:00.000+08:00

I got this topic/idea from here.
Hmm. GM T's Group Writing Project as well.

Online Games & MMORPGs: Is it a mirror of the real world?

Online Games & MMORPGs are part of the filipino culture now. They're always some reference by teenagers nowadays to something they play online. In fact to some, these realms are not merely games but their lives. Addicts. They play countless hours to gain wealth, fame and power in a digital world. Sakin mababaw yan but I can't deny the fact that indeed some of these games are really addicting but for me its not really because of the game but because of the community. Cmon, the game can only take you so far. You will have to interact with other people whether you like it or not. May it be the helpful person that you find pleasant or the brat that curses in each line he types. Human interaction talaga nagpapatagal sayo sa isang laro. Mga tao na nakilala mo ang nagbibigay ng diperensya kung ito'y laro lang o buhay mo na.

Is it a mirror? No matter how simple, few or varied the community is, certain elements of upbringing will certainly transcend realities. Even if you say you roleplay, you can't really supress who you are. There will be always qualities of yourself present on your online avatar and with this social norms and paradigms will be present as well. Crab mentality. Check. Usage of connections to gain advantage. Check. Usage of money to gain advantage. Check. And that's just what's blatantly out there. Wala pa yung simple interpersonal things that can really reflect on who or what you are as a person. Anything you do that will make you interact with other people will always somehow mirror you. What more in a realm where you basically "live" in it?

Duplicity

2007-08-14T23:12:00.000+08:00

2nd one. Typing them up to save them.. I just seem to lose the pieces of paper I write them on.

You tickle my fancy
Arouse my interest
Doubt my intellect
Yet slowly romance me

You have my heart in your hand
My life on the line
My love that is grand
I'm waiting for signs

Do you accept me for who I am
Or do you want another man
Has what you've been looking for been found
Or are you still searching all around

So tell me today, I'm looking for signs
Well tell me someday, I hope you'll be mine.

August 10, 2007

Strokes

2007-08-14T23:02:00.000+08:00

So, its been a while huh. Ahahaha. Obviously. Sharing this one, well more likely saving it. haha

You took my heart
only to break it
You made me smile
only to wipe it off my face

Different strokes, different people
are you playing with my heart?
Different strokes, different people
you're tearing me apart

The smiles you gave
were they fake?
The stories you shared
were they made?

Different strokes, different people
I'm breaking up inside
Different strokes, different people
countless nights I've cried

I thought we could go forever
But right now they seem unreal
Days and nights together
Was all of it surreal?

August 7, 2007

Silence

2007-06-25T01:57:00.000+08:00

In this world of noise sometimes only silence offers the solitude that we seek.

Finding this silence, I ask. What do I really want? What do I seek? What am I doing? What is my purpose? Basically, I thought about my mortality. I have things I want to do but cannot still. Will I be around long enough to be able to accomplish these things? They are dreams, wants and wishes that seem to grow distant each and every passing day.

I am doing nothing. In the end will anything I have done in my life be fruitful? Will they be of any use? Will there be regrets? I don't want to leave and live with regrets but unfortunately right now I have so many. Will there be enough time to correct all those mistakes? Time is my only enemy and time is ticking.

I don't have time to be scared. I must treasure every minute and every second I have... Let us be the world's happiest couple.

I long for someone. I want someone I could share my life with. I might be being selfish wanting someone to help and guide me for a personal epiphany but I don't really know. All I want is happiness.

Try to remember the kind of September when life was slow and oh, so mellow. Try to remember the kind of September when grass was green and grain was yellow. Try to remember the kind of September when you were a tender and callow fellow. Try to remember and if you remember then follow, follow. Try to remember when life was so tender that no one wept except the willow. Try to remember the kind of September when love was an ember about to billow. Try to remember and if you remember then follow, follow. Deep in December It's nice to remember although you know the snow will follow. Deep in December It's nice to remember the fire of September that made us mellow. Deep in December our hearts should remember and follow, follow...

Linger

2006-11-26T20:17:00.000+08:00

Linger

By H

Wishful thinking, blissful dreams

Not everything is what it seems

I’m empty, hollow, broken inside

I really fear that I must hide

From your grace, your presence

Because it takes a toll on my sanity

Pride and courage all spent

Nothing left but my vanity

I was as good as yours

While I still hoped and dreamt

Now I’m told its all for naught

But still I sit waiting, wishing

Lingering.

You know I’m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger

Humbuggery

2006-11-25T23:09:00.000+08:00

Its been months. 6 months to be exact since I last updated this thing. School opened and I flunked it. I went to school but never attended class. Haha. Totally my fault. I'm on Leave of Absence now til the end of December. After that hopefully, I'll pass several of my subjects so I can continue my tutelage in my college. Otherwise, I'm beginning as a freshman again.. somewhere else.. or something. Heh. That's all for now. My train of thoughts stopped.

If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest part of me...

Penguins

2006-05-11T17:18:00.000+08:00

Wow, last updated March 12. It's been that long?

I have nothing to write anyway. I've been a bum and my last few weeks in school were spent cramming for projects.

Okay. Last May 9, my dad called my sisters up and told them to go to Malate Starbucks. Well, since I had nothing better to do I decided to tag along. So we get there around 2 hours since he called turns out he was caught in a traffic jam and arrived 20mins later. He went straight to Penguin Cafe and he just asked us to go there instead. We arrive at the place after a good deal of walking. I must say the place has a warm homey, cozy feel in it. I was surprised to see video cameras setup, I asked, "What's with all the equipment?" He told me that there was going to be a poetry reading event. I'm like poetry reading? I should've stayed home. He also informed me that the Penguin Cafe was the Underground Art Capital of the Philippines. Ooh. But still the lingering thought of "Poetry Reading" stayed in my mind and muffled any excitement for me. The show started and I must say the host was very pretty. She's the daugther of the main presentor, Cesare Syjuco. She was introduced as Beatrix Syjuco. Later I found out she was the guitarist of the former family band named Faust (Circa 1996-1998).

The first presentor told the story of "Maria." In the story she is married to a Japanese farmer and it tells of the hardships she had to endure just to make the life of her family better. How he wrote it and delivered was amazing. You really feel the life of the story. The second presentor was this guy who came in full gear. Had the costume and everything. The other presentors were multi awarded ones. There's the guy who taped his mouth and spoke through the recorder. He threw his stuff around the place.. Don't know why. The father and daugther presentors. The guy who won an award for his piece. There's Maxine Syjuco, the L'Oreal model and daughter of the main presentor, shared a few poems from her collection. Seriously, I didn't think any model could be as smart as she was. Then came the man who stitched his mouth. In front of us, with the use of a surgical thread, he started to stitch his mouth. I would have fainted if I watched any longer. Made me cringe. The main presentor, Cesare Syjuco, is a jolly man. Well, aside from the fact that he was drunk. He was a lively and cheerful person. I'm still in awe. I have much respect for him and his work. He, together with his children the band formerly known as Faust, did a song named "Is there anybody out there? Is there anything alive?" Amazing. It prompted me to look up some of their songs if they still had any in circulation but alas I was unsuccessful in finding it. I still have to try the IRC though.

She's the guitarist. Unfortunately, I was unable to take pictures with the other members since they were already going around the place and talking to people. I was lucky enough to be able to grab a pic.

Treasures

2006-03-12T22:03:00.000+08:00

I almost didn't make it to Kat's debut yesterday because I wasn't feeling well. Luckily around 7pm, I woke up semi okay and decided I would still go to her debut. After all, I did tell her I'd go no matter what. I finally met someone I've wanted to meet for quite sometime now. Haha. I don't wanna mention the name just in case ahem. ^_~ Haha

We went to Pale's place to have a couple of drinks then we went to decades. Decades would exactly describe the the difference of our age and the other bar goers. Some look like the same age of my Tita who already has 3 kids! I felt like I was in a HS homecoming. Well after quite some time a friend went ahead to meet some friends and we stayed just to see if there was hope left. A friend managed to meet a group of ladies namely Ivy, Shy, Joan. Hahaha. They danced for quite a while and I still chose to sit down on the bar. We left at 4:30, the girls still wanted to party saying to my other friend "KJ naman." Hahaha.

Khio, alluring filipino-japanese friend of mine, hot,sexy,buxom goddess. Its been a while since we lask talked. I really enjoyed chatting with you again. :)

Sloth

2006-03-09T22:26:00.000+08:00

I have a deadline to meet and I'm procrastinating. Demmit.

I still have no top and footwear for Kat's debut. Demmit.

This week has been the most stressful week of my life. Demmit.

On to other things, Kat got in street dance. HaHa. I'm P50 richer. Anyway, I watched them practice their dance thing for Mr. and Ms. BM. It was funny. There's this one guy who had sound effects for every dance move they made. Kim, our Comp1bu blockmate, was just standing there at first but apparently got everything right. Hahaha. He was asked to do the actions and did most of them quite correctly and quickly! Perfomance Level!! hehe A lot of pretty girls are in the contest. I won't miss it for anything.. Well unless something much better comes up. =)
Kat and Tetet were in their Lesbo-Seduction mode again. Hehehe. It was enjoyable watching them. XD

Disquietude

2006-03-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

Today was okay. Very few things to do but tomorrow I have a quiz that I haven't even studied for, I have to lead the class in stretching exercises for PE, another Comp1bu class, Accounting Quiz ( I think) and so much more.

I should've gone home early to day. As of right now, I'm trying to finish my personal webpage. By the way, I've linked my blog (this one) to my webpage. Good bye old anonymousity. I treated Kat with her own money. HAHAHA. I won the p100 bet. We're still waiting for the Street Dance results to come out. p50 more will be added to my pot. Hahaha

Pain doesn't hurt if it's all you've ever felt

Forever Young

2006-03-05T21:49:00.000+08:00

Like in my previous posts, RF got me busy.. but also DOTA in Taft. I've grown tired of RF. Dunno Why.

Let see.. Last March 1 was my birthday. haha Hooray for me. I'm 19 and growing. Demmit. I'm old x.x

Last Thursday, I stayed with Kat for her audition in the Street Dance Group in La Salle. I was there watching, standing, sitting down from 6 - 9pm. Didn't know it took that long. Well, she didn't want me to watch her dance for some reason. But I still saw most of what she was going to do and I'm really impressed by how quickly she learned the dance. She had to learn it in 20mins. I can't even learn a classical dance in two hours. Curse PEDANCE. I wagered with her that she'll get in and by tomorrow, I'll be P150 richer. HAHA. By the way, her debut is on saturday and I still don't have anything to wear. The theme's Arabian so I'm choosing either to go as a Camel or a Palm tree. HAHAHA. joke. I'll come as a Saud if I can find the right clothes. Hopefully, I do!!

COMP1BU has me choked. Website deadline is due next week and me and my groupmates haven't even submitted a proposal yet. Talk about well prepared. Yet here I am procrastinating and reflecting on some issues of my life.

I wanted to spruce up my blog but yeah.. can't find time nor the inspiration to do so.

Longing for someone I can never be with.

Bewitched

2006-02-21T14:47:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I've updated this blog. RF Online has got me hooked. Plus something has been on my mind for the past few days. I have strong feelings. Powerful enough to keep me astray. Oh I wish the torment would end for knowing this is not possible cuts deep.

Wounds hurt but they heal.

Loving a Jezebel

2006-02-09T02:31:00.000+08:00

Its been around 2 weeks since I updated this blog. RF online is addicting. By the way, I got a new pc just for RF so guess how addicted I am :)

The past few days was okay for me. Aside from the murder/suicide in Mcdo and the tragic Ultra stampede, everything else was seemingly okay. But right now, I'm having a dillemna. I'm in love with a jezebel, a girl whose heart belongs to another or who is currently in a relationship. It's really hard for me since I don't want to ruin our friendship. I'm being stupid again. Falling for someone not really available. When am I going to learn? I hope my life would just be simple yet full of love. Yeah, that would be really nice.

Can't expound on it. Someone's reading.

Is it really a sin to fall in this kind of love?

True Colors

2006-01-22T21:46:00.000+08:00

Took a "color test" and this is what came out:

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!

Alright. So I'm calm eh? Hahaha. Anyway, its been a while since we last talked. I rarely see her anymore except maybe for my accounting class, other than that null. nothing. She's like an elusive butterfly. Maybe it's my fault. I feel akward whenever she's around. Dunno why though but its a feeling I can't stop from coming out. When I see her, suddenly its there. I don't like this feeling at all. I just wanna be comfortable around her.

I guess the wounds were cut too deep.

Befuddled

2006-01-12T20:13:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted. Blame RF Online. This game is great try it :D

Anyway, classes started again. It's fun and enjoyable. I'm meeting new people and they're nice. :D Hahaha. Suddenly I realized how small the world is. People I've met in the past are suddenly turning up in my friends' pasts as well.

I gave something senseless too much meaning. Fuck, I feel so dumb. Still things cannot be the same anymore. I am finding it really hard to keep my promise. So for that, I'm sorry but everything's changing. How can I stay the same when the thing that made me that way is now gone?

I am a prisoner to the whims of my heart.

Addiction, Dreams and Responsibilities

2006-01-01T20:53:00.000+08:00

We finally spoke two days after Christmas. It came as a suprise because I suddenly received a text from her with the message "marc?" I replied with "Awww, you forgot me already." At that moment that really hurt me since I thought "She already erased me from her phonebook this quickly?" Heh. Turns out I was wrong. Apparently, she texted me a message I didn't receive. Well, she told me what the message contained. She asked me if I was angry. Woohoo. I was already semi-prepared for that. I said what I really wanted to say, that I was not angry but depressed. I also asked her what she was afraid of. She told me she was afraid of hurting other people's feelings and she was afraid that people might get angry at her. Basic insecurities of people. Hehe. Well, I appreciate her honesty. I think I already got out of the slump caused by "that" but now I've gained a lot of weight and is addicted to RF Online. Beer and Computer Games are the ultimates of being a couch potato. Haha. I love this life.

Classes begin in 3 days but I have to adjust tomorrow because I failed Comath2.. Fricking Subject. I'm irregular. I don't want to go school yet. I just wanna stay home and play. Oh yeah, RF online is the reason why I haven't been able to blog these past few days.

Recently, I've been dreaming a lot about a certain person. I dunno why though. But in those dreams we were passionately romancing. Talk about wet dreams. It's odd. I don't know why I dream about her. Is my subconscious trying to break out and tell me who I like now? Ahh, screw that. It's too weird to think of.

Moving on, my mom wants me to shift to nursing. Business Management -> Nursing.
She tells me that if I don't I'd probably regret it when I grow older. Then I threatened her that I'd rather shift to Psychology than Nursing. She blurted out "Okay." I was surprised. Then she followed up saying " Just add one more year and you'd be a nurse." So that's why. Will I be a nurse or Will I be the entrepreneur that will determine the future of our country? The pressure on today's youth is so immense no wonder some kids kill themselves.

Not all fairy tales have a happy ending..

Punch-drunk on love

2005-12-27T22:57:00.000+08:00

Today started off quite well. I woke up at 4am and played RF Online till 6am. I slept again then awoke at 12pm to play the game again. So many things to do so little time. Hell. I'm bored. I've been in a slump lately. I don't know if I can attribute it to my "experience" but I won't blame that. I've been feeling bad about myself. Often daydreaming just to pass my time. I wish I had somewhere to go to. Too bad all my friends and blockmates are busy these days.. or are they? The holidays always reminded me of some of my childhood memories. I don't why I get nostalgic during this time.. must be the Christmas Ham. Heh. Oh Yeah, I've been eating alot these past few days. It wouldn't surprise me if I gained a couple of pounds. Why are women so conscious about their weight? All of a sudden I'm surrounded by anorexic girls.

Those sentences where things not anyhow related to each other. Reminds me of the condition our Psychology Prof told us about. Can't remember what its called. I'm completely spaced-out

My friend showed me a couple of blogs he likes, the little snoop ( just kidding haha :D ), they're all mushy and dramatic. They often contain poems of love and adoration, heartbreak and sorrow, pain and suffering. It suddenly reminded me of a song. I think he can relate to the first few lines. Ehem. "My loneliness is killing me and I, I must confess I still believe ( still believe ) that when I'm with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign.. Hit Me Baby One More Time."
Yeah I think that'll sum up the loneliness you feel. Hahaha. Just Kidding.

This is an old one. Can't even remember when I wrote it but its within 4months ago to now.

The music cools down my anguished heart

the rhythm mellows my burning soul

As I stare blankly, torn apart

I ponder deeply why didn't it grow

The undaunted gaze, the unwavering smile

the cirque I live and call my life

As the truth and fantasies now collide

All I have is you on my mind

Doesn't make sense right? Only I hold the key to understanding what it really means.

A friend told me that I will eventually forget about her but the thing is, I don't want to.... She's worth the wait. What if she goes with the other guy? Then let that be my end, I'll never love another the way I love her.

You are one of the few things worth remembering and since its all true how could anyone mean more to me than you.

Holidays

2005-12-26T06:41:00.000+08:00

Its the day after Christmas where I'm living. Happy Holidays everyone :D

So, Yeah. Finally got over the initial shock and pain of "that." Then, this morning I realized I still love her. Yeah, call me whatever you want but I still do. She said she was afraid but I don't know what she was afraid of. I was afraid and still am scared of this situation I'm placing myself in. She is the source of my joy and sorrow. I can't escape her no matter I do. Everywhere I look I see her. In my dreams, night and day, I still see her. She always crosses my mind. She was honest and I love her even more for that. Some girls might think that I'm one guy that is hard to get rid of. Haha. Well as St. Augustine said, "Its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I asked for a chance and she said she wasn't still over her guy. This time there will be no more asking. Take the initiative and grab the bull by its horns. Pray for me.

I'll love her no matter what.

The wise are wise because they love. The fools are fools because they think they understand love.

Disclosure

2005-12-24T08:52:00.000+08:00

The night I chose to sleep early is the night she chose to tell me. Merry Xmas to all. The tribe spoke sooner than expected. Haha. She said she's still not over the guy. I understand her. Fuck, I knew. I just went with it anyway. I have no hard feelings for her. In fact, I admire her honesty. So now, I move on to a new chapter in my life. From every end there's a new beginning. I don't feel bad, yet, I felt even worse because of failing Comath2 but let's give it a few days before the hurt starts to sink in. Hopefully, I do feel the pain, the sting of the situation because then it'll just be the same as the other situations I found myself in. Hey, at least now, I give letters and gifts. Hoohah. I've learned something from this experience and I hope some new experience will help me learn more. I'm just waiting for that new adventure to walk by me in a hallway. LOL. Let's see how far I can go this time. Enough being austere. It's tiring and a bit costly. What to do now. RF Online and DOTA seem like nice alternatives, they cost more money though :/ Sorry if I sound like a prick but it helps in getting my mind off things.

Today is the 24th of December. I sit in front of the pc typing this blog. Nothing in particular comes to mind after that event. Woohoo. Shall I rant about how I feel lonely and unloved like my friend always does. LOL. Joking Pare. Hehe. Anyhow, hope you guys have a better holiday than me.

There is one thing we can do better than anyone else... we can be ourselves

Since I have nothing better to do, I will continue to post quotations making this post seem long. LOL. I'm just looking for the right one that can trigger my emotions. Bear with me.

There are a hundred reasons why I should give up, but you're the one reason I keep going.

I've lost that reason. :(

The hardest part of loving is when you can only view the person you love from a distance and not being able to hold even her hand, embrace her tight coz to her, you're only her friend..

Aww, crap.

You're the reason I love and the reason I'd die. You're the reason I smile yet break down and cry. You're the reason I keep going and the reason I fall. I love you so much and you don't even care at all

Funny, how things are after major emotional moments in your life. You tend to relive it in your memory. Why can't the mind just forget like you want it to. Why does the pain have to be relived every single passing second.

There are many stars in the sky, only some are radiant enough to be noticed..Among those you choose to ignore is the one willing to shine for you forever..Even if your glance remains elsewhere..

Hmm.

I know a hand I want to hold, a voice I long to hear, a smile I’ll die to see and a presence I love to be near with. I miss someone and that’s you. It’s too bad I can’t be with you…

Hehe.

We are never prepared for what we expect

I was prepared for this. Supposed to be at least. Yet it stings now, slowly turning my mind into mush. Incapable of thinking nothing but her.

Okay I'll dedicate one part of this blog to my friends. Hahahaha. Peace tayo Guys :D I guess they should know who they are.

Bakit ganun? Kahit anong sakit naman, tiniis ko... Kahit anong hirap, kinaya ko... Kahit anong kasalanan mo, pinatawad ko... Kahit sobra sobra ang pagmamahal ko sayo... Bakit ganun? Iniwan mo pa rin ako...

Isn’t it sad that when you have so much pain in your heart and the only person who can stop you from crying is exactly the same person that made you cry?

Love is the hardest to find, and easiest to lose. We recognize a true LOVE when we realize that the only one who can console us is the one who caused the pain.

Reminds me of my friends. Haha. He still loves her I guess but she wants him to move on. Well, I can't really babble on it about here since it's their story.

I guess I'll be admiring my old crush again. JEON JI HYUN

I hope things get better over the days.

You don't have to rub it in, I know I'm a fool to have fallen in love.

Ramblings of a Restless mind

2005-12-23T23:25:00.000+08:00

Love is a verb. An action verb. Its not enough that you say it, acts must be done to be able to show it. Everyone has experienced loved. You get it from your family, friends and relatives. Love is easy to say and express yet so hard to define. So what is love? That I do not know but I'm willing to spend my life finding out. Hopefully she's willing as well. HAHA.

I'll share a poem I wrote.

Java

As you sing the lines of an old love song

I stare at you, looking intensely

at your dark brown eyes, hoping to see

a flicker, a sparkle, a gleam

that may tell me what your answer might be

They say the eyes never lie

that it holds the key to what's inside

My heart stops a second then restarts to beat

Your eyes begin to tell me your secret, deep

As I slowly began to realize

my eyes sheds tears as if in reply

to what I saw when I looked at thee

that you love another and not me.

I guess I knew it all along but just chose to ignore it. I wanted this love so much that I was blinded. I only saw what I wanted to see not what was really there. Love is blind? No, love makes you blind. Blind to reality, blind to truth. Living a fantasy that can never be. That's what love does. It gets you hoping and wishing suddenly no more. It's all gone. Like a thief in the night, it takes your heart and you'll never get it back nor be the same again. But hey, they're telling me to be optimistic so I guess I will be.

Depression

2005-12-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

It's been two to three days since I got my grades for this term. I fucked up Comath2. Just because of one quiz I now have to repeat the whole subject again. Depresses me alot since it's my first time to repeat a subject. I have to endure 3 months of the same thing plus I'm gonna be delayed for its prerequisites. I haven't told my mom about it yet. I'll surely have more than my fair share of sermons. I feel bad too. What job will I be able to get in the future? Sigh, 2 more years then I'll be working. I miss highschool.

The silence of the bedroom is deafening. The hush rings in my head making it hurt more and more.

I sorely miss her. It has been 3 days since she went back to her hometown. Back to the one she actually likes. I can't help but feel jealous though I know I have no right since we're not a couple. Just friends, plain and simple, and I think that's all she wants from me. I've been asking advice from total strangers and a friend regarding this matter. They say I should wait and see while one told me that she could be selecting from us which why I was not rejected outright. Ahm, wait I'll paste it here:

She might be choosing between you and someone else. Or she may also be waiting for someone she really likes to do something. It's like this: there might be some other guys courting her and she's undecided if she should choose you or some other. But she definitely likes you too otherwise she would say "Let's just be friends" or something to that effect.On the other hand, (which is more likely, kaya ang tagal tagal ng sagot nia) there might be someone she really likes also who isn't doing anything. Maybe she's waiting for that person to make a move, that's why she's telling you she's not sure yet. She's going to wait for a little and maybe hint at that person a little and if still nothing happens, then she's gna give up on him.. It sounds bad but this really really happens. Girls select, too..

Hopefully the tribe will speak soon and I don't get voted out.

Simplicity

2005-12-18T07:38:00.000+08:00

A girl I love said to me, "I'm too simple for you." That statement caused a chain of thoughts inside my head.

Simplicity is indeed often the sign of truth and a criterion of beauty. I like you the way you are. Even if you say you are simple, to me you are everything. There are so many questions about you that are unanswered. I do not how to deal with you sometimes because I am overwhelmed and often afraid that I am not worthy. Yes, I'm scared because I love you too much. I' ve been told not to get to emotionally attached, that this is just a part of growing up, that there could be others in the future. How can they be sure of that when you're all I want. You're the first one I've ever wanted. I'm doing a lot of firsts with you. God, call me retarted but I never gave a girl a letter before nor was I able to tell a girl before I loved her face to face. You were the first one. That is why I'm afraid.

I leapt off.. hoping someone would catch me.. I really hope you do.