Punch-drunk on love

Today started off quite well. I woke up at 4am and played RF Online till 6am. I slept again then awoke at 12pm to play the game again. So many things to do so little time. Hell. I'm bored. I've been in a slump lately. I don't know if I can attribute it to my "experience" but I won't blame that. I've been feeling bad about myself. Often daydreaming just to pass my time. I wish I had somewhere to go to. Too bad all my friends and blockmates are busy these days.. or are they? The holidays always reminded me of some of my childhood memories. I don't why I get nostalgic during this time.. must be the Christmas Ham. Heh. Oh Yeah, I've been eating alot these past few days. It wouldn't surprise me if I gained a couple of pounds. Why are women so conscious about their weight? All of a sudden I'm surrounded by anorexic girls.

Those sentences where things not anyhow related to each other. Reminds me of the condition our Psychology Prof told us about. Can't remember what its called. I'm completely spaced-out

My friend showed me a couple of blogs he likes, the little snoop ( just kidding haha :D ), they're all mushy and dramatic. They often contain poems of love and adoration, heartbreak and sorrow, pain and suffering. It suddenly reminded me of a song. I think he can relate to the first few lines. Ehem. "My loneliness is killing me and I, I must confess I still believe ( still believe ) that when I'm with you I lose my mind. Give me a sign.. Hit Me Baby One More Time."
Yeah I think that'll sum up the loneliness you feel. Hahaha. Just Kidding.

This is an old one. Can't even remember when I wrote it but its within 4months ago to now.

The music cools down my anguished heart

the rhythm mellows my burning soul

As I stare blankly, torn apart

I ponder deeply why didn't it grow

The undaunted gaze, the unwavering smile

the cirque I live and call my life

As the truth and fantasies now collide

All I have is you on my mind

Doesn't make sense right? Only I hold the key to understanding what it really means.

A friend told me that I will eventually forget about her but the thing is, I don't want to.... She's worth the wait. What if she goes with the other guy? Then let that be my end, I'll never love another the way I love her.

You are one of the few things worth remembering and since its all true how could anyone mean more to me than you.

Holidays

Its the day after Christmas where I'm living. Happy Holidays everyone :D

So, Yeah. Finally got over the initial shock and pain of "that." Then, this morning I realized I still love her. Yeah, call me whatever you want but I still do. She said she was afraid but I don't know what she was afraid of. I was afraid and still am scared of this situation I'm placing myself in. She is the source of my joy and sorrow. I can't escape her no matter I do. Everywhere I look I see her. In my dreams, night and day, I still see her. She always crosses my mind. She was honest and I love her even more for that. Some girls might think that I'm one guy that is hard to get rid of. Haha. Well as St. Augustine said, "Its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I asked for a chance and she said she wasn't still over her guy. This time there will be no more asking. Take the initiative and grab the bull by its horns. Pray for me.

I'll love her no matter what.

The wise are wise because they love. The fools are fools because they think they understand love.

Disclosure

The night I chose to sleep early is the night she chose to tell me. Merry Xmas to all. The tribe spoke sooner than expected. Haha. She said she's still not over the guy. I understand her. Fuck, I knew. I just went with it anyway. I have no hard feelings for her. In fact, I admire her honesty. So now, I move on to a new chapter in my life. From every end there's a new beginning. I don't feel bad, yet, I felt even worse because of failing Comath2 but let's give it a few days before the hurt starts to sink in. Hopefully, I do feel the pain, the sting of the situation because then it'll just be the same as the other situations I found myself in. Hey, at least now, I give letters and gifts. Hoohah. I've learned something from this experience and I hope some new experience will help me learn more. I'm just waiting for that new adventure to walk by me in a hallway. LOL. Let's see how far I can go this time. Enough being austere. It's tiring and a bit costly. What to do now. RF Online and DOTA seem like nice alternatives, they cost more money though :/ Sorry if I sound like a prick but it helps in getting my mind off things.

Today is the 24th of December. I sit in front of the pc typing this blog. Nothing in particular comes to mind after that event. Woohoo. Shall I rant about how I feel lonely and unloved like my friend always does. LOL. Joking Pare. Hehe. Anyhow, hope you guys have a better holiday than me.

There is one thing we can do better than anyone else... we can be ourselves

Since I have nothing better to do, I will continue to post quotations making this post seem long. LOL. I'm just looking for the right one that can trigger my emotions. Bear with me.

There are a hundred reasons why I should give up, but you're the one reason I keep going.

I've lost that reason. :(

The hardest part of loving is when you can only view the person you love from a distance and not being able to hold even her hand, embrace her tight coz to her, you're only her friend..

Aww, crap.

You're the reason I love and the reason I'd die. You're the reason I smile yet break down and cry. You're the reason I keep going and the reason I fall. I love you so much and you don't even care at all

Funny, how things are after major emotional moments in your life. You tend to relive it in your memory. Why can't the mind just forget like you want it to. Why does the pain have to be relived every single passing second.

There are many stars in the sky, only some are radiant enough to be noticed..Among those you choose to ignore is the one willing to shine for you forever..Even if your glance remains elsewhere..

Hmm.

I know a hand I want to hold, a voice I long to hear, a smile I’ll die to see and a presence I love to be near with. I miss someone and that’s you. It’s too bad I can’t be with you…

Hehe.

We are never prepared for what we expect

I was prepared for this. Supposed to be at least. Yet it stings now, slowly turning my mind into mush. Incapable of thinking nothing but her.











Okay I'll dedicate one part of this blog to my friends. Hahahaha. Peace tayo Guys :D I guess they should know who they are.

Bakit ganun? Kahit anong sakit naman, tiniis ko... Kahit anong hirap, kinaya ko... Kahit anong kasalanan mo, pinatawad ko... Kahit sobra sobra ang pagmamahal ko sayo... Bakit ganun? Iniwan mo pa rin ako...

Isn’t it sad that when you have so much pain in your heart and the only person who can stop you from crying is exactly the same person that made you cry?

Love is the hardest to find, and easiest to lose. We recognize a true LOVE when we realize that the only one who can console us is the one who caused the pain.

Reminds me of my friends. Haha. He still loves her I guess but she wants him to move on. Well, I can't really babble on it about here since it's their story.

I guess I'll be admiring my old crush again. JEON JI HYUN



I hope things get better over the days.

You don't have to rub it in, I know I'm a fool to have fallen in love.

Ramblings of a Restless mind

Love is a verb. An action verb. Its not enough that you say it, acts must be done to be able to show it. Everyone has experienced loved. You get it from your family, friends and relatives. Love is easy to say and express yet so hard to define. So what is love? That I do not know but I'm willing to spend my life finding out. Hopefully she's willing as well. HAHA.

I'll share a poem I wrote.

Java

As you sing the lines of an old love song

I stare at you, looking intensely

at your dark brown eyes, hoping to see

a flicker, a sparkle, a gleam

that may tell me what your answer might be

They say the eyes never lie

that it holds the key to what's inside

My heart stops a second then restarts to beat

Your eyes begin to tell me your secret, deep

As I slowly began to realize

my eyes sheds tears as if in reply

to what I saw when I looked at thee

that you love another and not me.

I guess I knew it all along but just chose to ignore it. I wanted this love so much that I was blinded. I only saw what I wanted to see not what was really there. Love is blind? No, love makes you blind. Blind to reality, blind to truth. Living a fantasy that can never be. That's what love does. It gets you hoping and wishing suddenly no more. It's all gone. Like a thief in the night, it takes your heart and you'll never get it back nor be the same again. But hey, they're telling me to be optimistic so I guess I will be.

Depression

It's been two to three days since I got my grades for this term. I fucked up Comath2. Just because of one quiz I now have to repeat the whole subject again. Depresses me alot since it's my first time to repeat a subject. I have to endure 3 months of the same thing plus I'm gonna be delayed for its prerequisites. I haven't told my mom about it yet. I'll surely have more than my fair share of sermons. I feel bad too. What job will I be able to get in the future? Sigh, 2 more years then I'll be working. I miss highschool.

The silence of the bedroom is deafening. The hush rings in my head making it hurt more and more.

I sorely miss her. It has been 3 days since she went back to her hometown. Back to the one she actually likes. I can't help but feel jealous though I know I have no right since we're not a couple. Just friends, plain and simple, and I think that's all she wants from me. I've been asking advice from total strangers and a friend regarding this matter. They say I should wait and see while one told me that she could be selecting from us which why I was not rejected outright. Ahm, wait I'll paste it here:

She might be choosing between you and someone else. Or she may also be waiting for someone she really likes to do something. It's like this: there might be some other guys courting her and she's undecided if she should choose you or some other. But she definitely likes you too otherwise she would say "Let's just be friends" or something to that effect.On the other hand, (which is more likely, kaya ang tagal tagal ng sagot nia) there might be someone she really likes also who isn't doing anything. Maybe she's waiting for that person to make a move, that's why she's telling you she's not sure yet. She's going to wait for a little and maybe hint at that person a little and if still nothing happens, then she's gna give up on him.. It sounds bad but this really really happens. Girls select, too..

Hopefully the tribe will speak soon and I don't get voted out.

Simplicity

A girl I love said to me, "I'm too simple for you." That statement caused a chain of thoughts inside my head.

Simplicity is indeed often the sign of truth and a criterion of beauty. I like you the way you are. Even if you say you are simple, to me you are everything. There are so many questions about you that are unanswered. I do not how to deal with you sometimes because I am overwhelmed and often afraid that I am not worthy. Yes, I'm scared because I love you too much. I' ve been told not to get to emotionally attached, that this is just a part of growing up, that there could be others in the future. How can they be sure of that when you're all I want. You're the first one I've ever wanted. I'm doing a lot of firsts with you. God, call me retarted but I never gave a girl a letter before nor was I able to tell a girl before I loved her face to face. You were the first one. That is why I'm afraid.

I leapt off.. hoping someone would catch me.. I really hope you do.